Samuel L. Jackson Tells One Bad Ass Bed Time Story

     I am 8 years older than my younger brother and I watched my parents try to put him to bed multiple times throughout his infancy and his terrible two's and feisty fours and his son-of-bleep sixes ... and my brother never enjoyed bedtime. By the time he was a year and a half old, he had learned how to un-latch his crib and climb out of it! My parents always thought I was taking him out every day and letting him crawl about the house unattended. NOPE. That little devil was escaping himself. Frickin' Tommy Pickles up in there.

     At some point during my brother's younger years, I also was enlisted in the nightly bedtime rituals ... and let me tell you, putting a child to bed is one of the worst things ever. It seriously makes you want to never have kids ever. When I substitute for the little ones, I see it also ... Nap times is the worst times!
     It's always something.
     "Can I get a drink?" ... "I need a different blanket." ... "I'm not comfortable." ... "There's something under the bed!"
     It's enough to make you want to throw a child out a window and scream, "GO THE F**K TO SLEEP."
     Well, parents and educators alike can rest assured that they can now do it under the guise of realistic parenting ... and bedtime stories.
     I commend writer Adam Mansbach for writing an absolute true book because how many people would just love to curse off their kids and tell them to get the F in their beds, but yet, they know they are not actually mad at their kids? This book lets them do just that.
     And, Samuel L. Jackson? Love his reading of it. So manly. So wonderful. So full of pent-up passion and rage ... that he didn't actually let out at his kids when they wouldn't sleep.

     This book is available on Amazon for $8.22 ... I am seriously considering buying it, just to make sure I have it for when my hypothetical children are born.

I'm having trouble sleeping. You're jumping in my bed. Twisting in my head. Leave me. (Trouble Sleeping, The Perishers)