Lucifer Ain't Runnin' 'Round This Playground

     There will be no baby Lucifers playing on the playground with your kids ... In New Zealand, that is, as the name was recently banned.
     However, your child may come across a cute, little, bouncing, baby Violence or Number 16 Bus Shelter ... as those names were approved by New Zealand's Registrar of Births, Deaths, and Marriages.
  

     When parents choose a name for their unborn child, my assumption is that it isn't a simple decision for most. I assume most people don't just look up "Popular Baby Names 2011" and go for the top choice. Parents probably look to relatives for advice or try to form some weird combination of the child's paternal and maternal grandparent's names to form some new name. It's probably a long process. 

     Then there are are others who probably know long beforehand what they want to name their child (but then there's the whole process of trying to get the other parent to agree to the name). So, yeah, naming a kid - it's not an easy affair.

     So, anyway, in this whole crazy process ... when do parents think about the actual child? When do the parents come together and consider Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii a good name for their little girl to go through life with? ... My assumption is that they don't - it probably happens when the mother is hopped up on pain medication and no one is in the room besides her and the nurse asking her, "Did you decide on a name? We need it for the birth certificate." Then changing the name is such a hassle, no one bothers. Heck, my brother's middle name is spelled wrong on his birth certificate and no one has ever bothered to do anything about it ... He isn't even sure how to legally spell it.

     I'm sure there are plenty of kids out there who would have suffered lots of torture due to their parents lack of intelligence when it came to that crucial moment of naming them - but just missed eternal ridicule when their respective countries banned their would-be names (although I'm sure they have equally embarrassing names after the initial ones were banned).

     One child I'd like to meet in the future is this little one from Egypt ---> Check it out.

     

Yeah, I got a name in this town. Some good and some bad that I'll never live down. Anywhere else, I'm just a face in the crowd. But, I got a name in this town. Yeah, I got a name in this town. (A Name In This Town, Josh Thompson)

What's Wrong With The World Today? - Overenthusiastic Cops

     Remember those warm summer days selling lemonade on your front lawn trying to raise money to go to your local amusement park or buy the newest toy on the market to make everyone jealous (or in the case of the kids in my neighborhood nowadays, grape juice plus 3 free jelly beans)????
     Well,  it seems like those days are over because police are becoming way overenthusiastic in their jobs (or bored during the long summer days) and shutting down poor, little kid's lemonade stands one-by-one. In most cases, it happens because a lot of cities require food and business permits before someone can set up shop (even if that shop happens to be on a front lawn run by a bunch of 7-year-olds).

     This situation happened two weeks ago in Midway, Georgia, when three girls decided they wanted to sell lemonade to raise money to go to a water park. 

     Well, all was good until the police chief rode by and told them they were breaking the law and they had to close down their business because, although they were young, he needed to "enforce the laws." Health issues were apparently also a concern because, ooooo scaryyyyyy, no one knew who made the lemonade!!!!!! 

     I understand that police have an extremely important job and that they do everything in their power to protect us day to day, but can't they leave the little things in life alone ... like kids with lemonade stands. I mean, come on. They are not trying to take over the world or anything with the money they are making ... Or are they? 

     Yeah, I doubt it. I'm pretty sure most of them are just budding entrepreneurs who just want a little extra cash for the summer. So, just do those little Donnie Trumps and Billy Gates a favor and just go about your day patrolling the mean streets for real criminals. 

     I really can't believe someone would want to crush a child's little dream like that, in the first place.

     And that's what wrong with the world today.

A firefly glowing on my left hand, I used to pretend it was a wedding band. A tall, cool glass of mama's lemonade - sold from a stand that me and my sister made. We'd count our quarters in the shade, underneath the trees ... Oh, those sweet memories. I love those summer days. Driftin' on by like a slow parade. And everything feels fine in the warm sunshine, when your world unwinds. And you kick back in your flip flops. And you don't care about the tick-tock. And the world is full of music, dreams, and lovers. There ain't nothin' like the summer. (Nothin' Like The Summer, Carmen Rasmusen)

Mo Rocca ... Is Out.

Not a surprise to me ... But apparently it is to a lot of other people.

Good for him. He's 42 and finally telling the world ... and himself. 

He came out on The Six Pack ... and the story made Perez Hilton earlier today. 

The worst thing about this decision is that, according to him, he is getting rid of the glasses because he says he's been "hiding behind" them. 

Long live the glasses, Mo. We will miss them.

You can count on me to always be beside you everyday to tell you, "It's okay, you were just born that way and as they say, it's in your DNA, you're gay!" (If You Were Gay, Avenue Q Soundtrack)

If Taylor Swift Ran My Life ...

     I saw T-Swizzle last night with my girls and it was amazinggggggggg. She put on a great show and I am more than certain now that her songs, new and old, could be rearranged to write a soundtrack for my life.
     And here it is ...

     The opening scene, starting with my birth (yepppp, T-Swift is that good) would be "A Place In This World."
     Then as I start growing up and there are scenes of my family and I throughout my childhood, it would be a combination of "Best Day" and "Never Grow Up."
     When that horrible, disgusting, stomach-turning time called middle school starts ... First comes the tear-jerker "Tied Together With A Smile" ... and then it just goes and pulls out the T-Bitchness with "Mean" and "Better Than Revenge."
      High school starts with the amazing "Fifteen" ... and, in my high school experience, moved onto "Sparks Fly." Then, get ready for this roller coaster if you can follow it ... "You Belong With Me" ... "Teardrops On My Guitar" ... and onto "Dear John" (straight up with the FIREWORKS she blew up during the concert last night ... OH YEAH, that bad!)

     College would be "Change" and at graduation time, "Long Live."
     Let's skip ahead a few years and throw "Enchanted" on there for the moment I meet (or met, who are you to know my secrets?!) the man of my dreams (whether he knows it or not, hypothetically ... OH MAN, I'm full of secrets today!) ... because I simply love that song ... and it's so wonderfully romantic.
     And end it with "Love Story."
     And there you go. My Taylor Swift Life.

If it's not like the movies, that's how it should be, yeah. When he's the one, I'll come undone, and my world will stop spinning, and that's just the beginning, yeah. (Not Like The Movies, Katy Perry)

Summer's Eve Makes Me Feel Fine ... In This Heat Every Time

     So ladies, if you are my age ... let's say mid-to-late twenties ... when we were younger, feminine hygiene product commercials were a lot like pharmaceutical commercials. They meant anything from women jogging happily through parks or cooking dinner for their husbands or gardening with their new puppy ... Like this woman who just douched her way to happiness and is strolling along a beach thinking about unicorns and rainbows ...

     But apparently today, feminine hygiene marketing campaigns come in the form of a talking hand appropriately named Vagina (you can call her V for short) in a campaign by Summer's Eve called "All Hail to the V."

     Summer's Eve has released three separate commercials, using different colored hand models using stereotypical voice-overs and, of course, consumers are ripping into the company and calling the campaign racist. I'm just calling it straight up hilarious ... and informative. I cannot watch a single one of these commercials enough times without rolling. And here's your chance.

Commercial Number One:

Summer's Eve Take On White Girl Vagina Problems

     Yes boys, it's true. Every time us ladies pick up a copy of Cosmo we need to read another article on the newest craze of Vagina madness ... whether it's vajazzling or hair styling down there. It's pure insanity. And, no, it's not just a white girl problem ... but Summer's Eve made the commercial and it was just too funny not to laugh, especially when products like this exist to help you style yourself into a peace sign down under.

Commercial Number Two:

Summer's Eve Take On Black Girl Vagina Problems

      Oh, yeah. Summer's Eve went there and made a black hair joke. We all know that is taboo territory, especially when it's attached to a dry, itchy V on the way to the clubbbbb. HOLLAAAAAA. Oh, and since when is wonder spelled with a "U" ... Oh, maybe when it refers to the WUNDERRRRR DOWN UNDER, of course. 

Commercial Number Three:

Summer's Eve Take On Hispanic Girl Vagina Problems

     Ay-yii-yii, boo, I find this commercial to be the funniest. Apparently miracle-working Hispanic vaginas burst into Spanish spontaneously ... and make slight sexual innuendoes in the process. Hispanic vaginas also have an innate sense of fashion because they know when they need to trash their own underwear. 

     The Summer's Eve "Hail to the V" campaign didn't just end with these three commercials. There was also this lovely number on YouTube that pushed consumers to their website, which I personally found very informative. 

     Yes, the ID the V Quiz ... Because Vagina told me that "nearly 70 percent of all women can't accurately identify  [her] and [her] lovely lady parts." So, I took her up on the challenge and took the quiz, and I guess I fell into that 70 percent because I only got 3 out of the 5 part, right. Granted I got the 3 most important parts, if you ask me, but still ... I didn't accurately identify all of them. 

     So go ahead and take the quiz, and see how you do! Because like V said, it's like jumping in a car without knowing where the accelerator or the ignition is (I'm pretty sure I accurately identified those).

     Also, check out the Vagina Owner's Manual and the Vaglossary (just because it's kind of funny).

Love your what-not, your money slot, your secret little honey pot. Love your Mary Lou, your va-joo-joo, your little man in a canoe, your naughty bits, your peachy lips, that little thing between your hips. Love, love, love your vagina. That important place inside 'ya. Love, love, love your vagina. Love that special place inside. (Love Your Vagina Song, Mooncup Ltd)

     This was a (very catchy) jingle written for Mooncup, a British menstrual cup ... Click this link, to see the many other interesting names that fans submitted - which they call their vaginas (or submit your own). My personal faves that were submitted are Pleasure Island, Snatchy Patch, Spadoosh, The Grumpy Elf, The Unicorn Fairy's Palace, and Faffaroon.

     Oh, and yes, you can download the song at the site also. I know. I plan on it.

It's Monday, Monday ... And Her Moment

     Rebecca Black released her new single "My Moment" today ... and she is probably partyin' it up right about now and rightfully so.
     I am once again blown away by her ballsssss. She straight up told the haters "see you later, can't talk to you right now, I'm getting my paper, said I'm doing big things, things you never dreamed of ... 'cause I'm 'bout to blow up!"
     Hell yeah, Rebeeca, you tell them!!! While everyone else your age is hanging at the mall, not buying anything because they can't afford an Auntie Anne's pretzel, and straight up wishing they can get a job because their 14-year-old selves can't get working papers for anything besides a paper route, you are recording not only your own music videos but starring in them with Katy Perry! So, you do you ... and ignore the haters.

Alarm clock starts ringing. Who could that be singing? It's me, baby, with your wake up call! How do you like me now? How do you like me now, now that I'm my way? Do you still that I'm crazy standing here today? I couldn't make you love me but I always dreamed about living in your radio. How do you like me now? (How Do You Like Me Now, Toby Keith)

Side note: Another reason why Rebecca Black has had a great year compared to you.

Gettin' A Little Touchy Feely With The TSA

     A 61-year-old woman in Arizona who is accused of grabbing (and twisting!) the left breast of a Transportation Security Administration employee on Thursday, June 14, is facing a felony count of sexual abuse.

     The woman, Yukari Mihamae, refused to go through the proper screening techniques for her flight and then began arguing with the TSA employee before grabbing and twisting the employee's breast.

     According to MSNBC, police were called and Mihamae admitted to the assault and was arrested.

Photo c/o the AP

     

     I find it interesting that the TSA feel that they can basically do what they please when searching people, yet when the tables are turned, it is a felony. I mean, they basically grope people on a daily basis for a living! And while I do understand their jobs and I find their jobs to be important, and I do agree that airport security should be tight, sometimes it is just over the top. Last month, TSA employees had a 95-year-old woman remove her adult diaper during a pat-down and in April, a six year old girl was patted down, leading to outrage from people all over the place. 

     I think the TSA need to take a look at their procedures, especially when it comes to children and the elderly, and reconsider them. Or else they will be dealing with a lot more angry men and women like Mihamae who will be attacking their employees and grabbing their boobs and kneeing guys in the crotch.

I think I could like you. I already do. Feelings can grow but they can go away too. You're taking my hand, looking into my eyes. Don't be in a rush to get me tonight. I feel something happening. Could this be a spark? To satisfy me, baby, gotta satisfy my heart. Do you know how to touch a girl? If you want me so much, first I have to know - are you thoughtful and kind? Do you care what's on my mind? Or am I just for show? You'll go far in this world if you know how to touch a girl. (How to Touch a Girl, JoJo)

Hooked On The Ice Cold Cool Hoff

     "Baywatch" hunk. "Knight Rider" hottie. "Spongebob" human. (And of course, who can forget German pop star.) David Hasselhoff is a lot of things ... and soon he will be coming to a freezer near you, if he hasn't already. And I cannot wait to lick that popsicle.
     Del Monte Iced Refreshment released a Hoff-inspired icicle called the Hoffsicle to celebrate National Ice Cream Week after the Hoff was named 2011's smoothest TV star.
     And in case anyone is wondering, TODAY is National Ice Cream Day and, for you ice cream lovers, there are some great deals. Carvel is offering one free kid's cup or cone with any adult purchase ... and Baskin Robbins is offering one cone for $0.99 when you buy any other cone! ... I just wish I could be served those cups and cones by the Hoff himself!

     I am not ashamed to admit that I have some strange, unhealthy celebrity crush on the Hoff and that no food has potentially given me this much excitement since people discovered that Menthos and Diet Coke can form rockets.

     I also cannot wait to go out to my local grocery store and buy these "ice lollies." I have not seen them yet, but if you happen to see them at your local store, leave a comment and let me know where because will be eternally grateful ... and I might even bake you some cupcakes.

I'm hooked on a feeling and I'm high on believing that you're in love with me. Lips as sweet as candy, your taste is on my mind. Girl, you got me thirsty for another cup of wine. Got a bug from you girl but I don't need no cure. I'll just stay affected if I can't be sure. All the good love, when we're all alone. Keep it up girl, yeah, you turn me on. I'm hooked on a feeling! (Hooked on a Feeling, David Hasselhoff) 

Honesty's The Best Policy

     I spent the day in NYC today and I seriously cannot get enough of that city. I cannot wait until I get my first job there (well, it would be my second technically, I guess ... I've already worked there once as an intern) ... Or, even better, when I marry rich and live it up (ehhhh, I'd still have to work, I'd get bored not doing anything).
     Every time you go, you see something different ... yet there are always some things you can count on ... Metrocards that won't swipe and banging into turnstiles when you keep walking, dudes in red vests selling tours who block sidewalks when you absolutely have to get somewhere, and beggars asking for your hard-earned money on the side of the street or on the subway ... And you know what, most people would think the last one is the most annoying of the three, and most times it is ... unless they are completely honest. I have always commended honesty, and today, for the first time, I had the opportunity of seeing the Times Square "Weed Man," and while he doesn't actually use his earnings for weed, at least his sign seems honest enough.

     Along with these other fellows I found just looking around online ... If I saw them on the street, I'd give them dollar or two (and a thumbs up) just for being honest.

You with the sad eyes, don't be discouraged; Oh, I realize, it's hard to take courage in a world full of people. You can lose sight of it all and the darkness inside of you can make you feel so small. But I see your true colors shining through. I see your true colors and that's why I love you, so don't be afraid to let them show. Your true colors - true colors - are beautiful like a rainbow. (True Colors, Cyndi Lauper) 

What's Wrong With The World Today? - Lying, Conniving Journalists

     As someone with a background in Journalism, I would like to think that journalists do their job and report and inform the public in an objective and honest nature ... But this past week, I was disheartened when an entire publication ended a 168-year run after their reporters were caught in a phone hacking scandal. Granted it was a tabloid newspaper, but either way, journalists should hold themselves to higher standards than that.
     Despite having had past problems with phone hacking, News of the World, a British tabloid newspaper, printed its last edition this past Sunday after further allegations were made that reporters hacked into the voicemail of a murdered middle school student named Milly Dowler who was killed in 2002.

     I am absolutely disgusted by actions of the journalists allegedly involved in the hacking of that girl's phone. What did they think they were going to get out of that? Did they lose all sight of their ethics?

     As a journalist, occasionally there are times when things may not seem absolutely black and white, there may be gray areas when you are not sure what to do - but this? Hacking voice mails of a murdered child? This was not one of those times. This was a time when you should stand back a say "No, this is absolutely unethical ... and illegal."

     The fact that there are actually journalists out there who would actually consider this to get their story is appalling.
     And that's what's wrong with the world today.

Look at the pictures taken by the cameras, they cannot lie. The truth is in what you see, not what you read. Little men tapping things out, points of view - remember their views are not the gospel truth. Don't believe it all. Find out for yourself. Check before you spread. News of the world. (News of the World, The Jam)

What's Wrong With The World Today? - Cyber Protests and Causes

     I want you to stop reading this right now ... before you even begin to get to the good stuff ... because there are kids in Africa and India and Uzbekistan who can't read good and we need to spread literacy to them as soon as possible. Now what I need you to do is log on to your Facebook and change your default picture to this:

     As the caption for your picture, please write "If YOU care about spreading literacy to kids in Africa and India and Uzbekistan too, please change your profile picture to LeVar Burton creepily jumping up in front of his very own Reading Rainbow."

     Did you do it? I sure hope so. Don't you feel accomplished and super good about yourself?

     SERIOUSLY PEOPLE! We all need to get it together. These crazy cyber protests and causes are ridiculous. When did we (yes, we ... I am guilty of a few of those "change your default for blah blah blahs" too) get so lazy (or stupid) that we decided that this was the best way to show our support for the things we supposedly believe in?

     Remember a few months ago, when it seemed like every other person on Facebook changed their profile picture to their favorite childhood cartoon character in order to end violence against children? ... 

     Well, guess what people ... NOT EFFECTIVE. Unfortunately, Cinderella is not going to make Child Abuse end by the stroke of midnight. 

     That campaign was off on so many levels ... For one, it didn't make clear whether or not it was affiliated with a national/international Child Abuse Organization so it left a lot of people questioning it (ummmm hello ... Cartoon Face Campaign? Like it should be a question?). On top of that, it was held in December and not that you need to limit child abuse awareness to a certain month, but National Child Abuse Prevention Month is actually in April (at least in the US). And lastly, if you want to make a real difference in a child's life - GO OUT AND MAKE ONE! Volunteer at a home, a shelter, something. Or if you really don't have the time to do something along those lines, donate. Every bit helps. 

     This past Tuesday night millions of people "attended" a Facebook event called "Porch lights on for Caylee Marie Anthony." 

      While I know that the "attendees" hearts were in the right place, what was the purpose of this? How is this waste of energy all over the world (2 million strong) a good way to memorialize this little girl? Go to your house of worship, light a candle, say a prayer, and once again, donate money to end violence against children (donate it in Caylee's name!). 

     These cyber protests that have us changing our profile pictures and turning on our porch lights and playing a certain song at a certain hour ... What are they really accomplishing? .... Nothing ... Except forming a group of people, who don't really like their profile pictures, and are listening to crappy music at some random hour of the night with their porch lights on, when they'd probably prefer to sleeping.

     And that's what's wrong with the world today.

Can you practice what you preach and would you turn the other cheek? Father, Father, Father, help us. Send us some guidance from above 'cause people got me, got me questionin' where is the love? Where is the love? (Where Is The Love, Black Eyed Peas)

Sidenote: If you or someone you know (or if you suspect that a child you know) is being abused, please check the following sites for information:

Prevent Child Abuse America

ChildHelp

The National Child Abuse Hotline is: 1-800-4-A-Child

Dexter Morgan ... Get Your Tools Ready.

     Ummmmm, circumstantial evidence. Hellz to the nah. How is Casey Anthony not guilty? Did the jury just get back from a long July 4 weekend and were just like, "Eh, whatever. We've been here too long."

     Seriously! I am at a loss for words. I almost cried when I heard about the verdict ... all she is guilty of is lying to police? Heck! I could be charged with that. "Why no officer, I did not see that the light was red." ... "Underage drinking in that basement? NOOOOO. I didn't see any of that." ... "My sister punching that man screaming about the end of the world and the evilness of all others except Christians. Nope. She didn't do it." Crazy bitch.

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother, I'm a sinner, I'm a saint. I do not feel ashamed. I'm your health, I'm your dream, I'm nothing in between. You know you wouldn't want it any other way. (Bitch, Meredith Brooks)

Declarin' Independence Like A Buncha' Bosses

Happy 4th of July!

Enjoy a day of food, fun, friends, and FIREWORKS! 

(Don't you just love alliteration ... It makes everything so ... amusing!)

Well I've made up my mind that I want you to be the one, the one I wanna be with when I'm 92. 'Cuz I know, you know it can't get much better. Fireworks flying whenever we're together. I know, you know, that I know you love me. 'Cuz I know, you know it can't get much better. Fireworks flying whenever we're together. I know, you know, that I know you love me.  (Fireworks, Plain White T's)

You thought I was going to use Katy Perry, didn't you? ... Oh, well, even though I love Katy, this PWT's song is totally one of my faves, so I couldn't resist sharing it!

Kid Criminals On The Rise? ... Oh England.

     Data released under the Freedom of Information Act revealed that a three-year-old boy in the South Yorkshire section of England was caught vandalizing cars back in May.

     The report also indicated that three other other children under the age of ten were caught damaging cars, and three others were involved with a robbery at a pool hall.

     Although the three-year-old boy was too young to be charged with any offenses, I wonder how the parents handled the kid when the police showed up at their door pulling him alongside. I reckon a stern talking-to and a long time-out isn't enough to steer him off a life of crime. I don't think beating the bejesus out of him with a wooden spoon (a threat used in my home to this day) would work either. 

     What are your suggestions?

As he came into the window, it was the sound of a crescendo. He came into her apartment, he left the bloodstains on the carpet. She ran underneath the table, he could see she was unable, so she ran into the bedroom. She was struck down, it was her doom. Annie, are you okay? So, Annie, are you okay? Are you okay, Annie? ... You've been hit by a smooth criminal. (Smooth Criminal, Michael Jackson)