And That's A Wrap!!

     Ladies and Gentlemen ... I have made it through wedding season and survived with only a few scratches and bruises. Ready for the numbers?

     Six weddings, five dresses, four plane rides, two bachelorette parties, one visit to a foreign country, and an insane amount of hair product later ... and I NOW am ready for one long, macarena-free nap.

     After all that, I am ready to provide you with several tips for surviving your very own wedding season ... Whenever that may come along ...

FLATS!

     This one's for the ladies ... FOR REAL. Do not go to a wedding without comfortable shoes in tow. You can go for the shoeless look ... but some venues are not big on the cleanliness scale and you don't want to leave with some fungal infection.

IF THOU DRINKETH, EAT FOOD!

     People, this sounds like a no-brainer ... But apparently it's not! If you plan on drinking at a wedding, do yourself and everyone else a favor, and eat! Eat before you go and at the cocktail hour and at dinner and during dessert and during the after-party. I'm not saying you need to be a glutton ... I'm just saying you should eat a little every few hours so that you are not drinking on an empty stomach ... because, believe me ... It does not lead to happy outcomes.

SINGLE? ... SO WHAT?

     If you are single during wedding season, don't let that get you down! Own it! If you are invited with a date, bring a friend if someone if free. If you are invited on your own, that's fine too! Put on your best dress or your sleekest suit and get out on the dance floor when the music plays. Talk to the people at your table. ENJOY YOURSELF! It's a time to celebrate the couple! Just have fun!

BUDGET, BUDGET, BUDGET!

     If you have a bunch of weddings come up at one time or within a couple of months of each other, you need to understand that the showers, and bachelor(ette) parties, and weddings will take a giant hit on your wallet ... So don't feel like you need to purchase extravagant gifts or give large sums of money to every couple. Give what you can and move on ... A gift comes from the heart and that should be what matters.

LEAVE THE DRAMA FOR YOUR MAMA

     When friends get married, petty drama may come up ... maybe even more-than-petty drama ... But when family members get married, there's potential for HUGE drama to come to the table ... LISTEN, leave that stuff at home! The day is about the couple ... not about how your Aunt Lilly still owes you money or how Cousin Jane stole your boyfriend three years ago and brought him to the wedding today. Just leave all that stuff at the door ... and deal with it at Thanksgiving like everyone else!

     I could go on forever with more ways to survive wedding season (find a dress you can wear more than once ...) but I'm not going to ... Because I'm sure you can do it on your own. I have faith in you! Now go out and conquer that wedding world!

Going to the chapel and we're gonna get married, going to the chapel and we're gonna get married. Gee, I really love you and we're gonna get married going to the chapel of love. (Going To The Chapel Of Love, The Shirelles)

Why I Just Can't With Halloween Anymore

     So, I am about to drop some unpopular opinion on you right now ... This 27-year-old just can't with Halloween anymore ... and here's why ... in convenient list form (which I know you've come to appreciate).

1) October tends to be cold. Costumes tend to be tiny ... Like this one.

*** Side note: This girl will definitely get ebola ***

2) I don't have the time ... or the energy ... to go to a butt-load of parties. Actually, let's be honest, I'm not invited to a butt-load of parties anymore.

3) I want people to give me candy for free all the time. Come to think of it, I want people to give me lots of things for free when I ask for it. How about booze, clothes ... How about someone just hands me a full time job when I ask for it! Yeah, give me all that ... and candy!

4) Standing in line, in the cold, to get into a crowded bar with sweaty people doesn't sound half as great as sitting pantless on your couch watching "Hocus Pocus."

5) I've already dressed up as Cinderella and Hannah Montana and a witch and a gypsy and a clown ... There is nothing else I want to be ... So why waste my time and my money?

*** Imagine there is an embarrassing picture of me as 

Hannah Montana here that I won't show to anyone ever ***

It's too spooky, too spooky. It's much too spooky for me. I can't look. It's too spooky for me. (Too Spooky For Me, Halloween Song)

A Hard-Hitting Question --- What's Annoying About Local News?

     Local Fox station WNYW took a good, hard, humorous look at itself - and the local news industry, as a whole - last night during their 10 p.m. broadcast when reporter Joel Waldman covered the story we've been waiting forever to see: What's annoying about local news?

     I could personally write a list a mile long about the things that annoy me about local news, but that would be just like having a 3 minute stand-up for a 30 second story, so I'm just going to get to the point and post Joel's video ... and let you take a look for yourself.

     (Ugh ... for some reason the embed code is not working with me ... See the video here until I figure this out).

     So, there you have it, folks. The secret is out. The people who work in local news actually know that some of the things they do are gratuitous and annoying ... and simply for ratings ... But, when it comes down to it, who doesn't like to see puppies cuddling with babies and reporters in the rain (Oh Jimmy). 

Time's gonna make you a man someday and you won't want to go out and play with your friends, you'll just sit at home and watch the news at ten and the pubs will be closed and you won't have been with your friends ... (News At Ten, The Vapors)

Bazaar of the Bizarre

     About a week ago, the Amazon page for Haribo Sugarless Gummy Bears went viral due to the extremely graphic (::read as HILARIOUS::) descriptions left by consumers about the laxative-like qualities of the product. Some buyers describe the product as "Satan's diarrhea," a "colon cleanse," and as "rectal razor blades." One of my personal favorite reviewers states that he/she plans to send a pack of these gummy bears to every member of Congress with his/her "deepest gratitude." (::sarcasm much::) Another reviewer vows to send a pack to every member of the Westboro Baptist Church.

     These reviews were so hilarious and gut-wrenching (like the product?) that I decided to go on a quest for additional craziness that the online marketplace must have produced by reviewers ... So without any further ado ... Here is a list of what I consider some of the best Amazon reviews (that I could find in a limited, laid-back, pretty lazy amount of time).

Amazon Products with Amusing Reviews

Canned Unicorn Meat

     The reviews for this mystical mystery canned unicorn meat range from disturbingly disgusting to shit-your-pants hilarious. 

     Personal fave. Reviewer T.R. writes, "I have rarely been happier to see a product like this. After hunting unicorns on my own for decades, I found it was neigh impossible anymore, not in that the crafty bastards are any less prevalent, but because one simply CANNOT find a virgin maiden anymore to entice the unicorn into her lap. This product of farm raised unicorn fill[ed] a needed void."

How To Get Your Wife In The Mood: 

Quick And Easy Tips For Seducing Your Wife And Making Her BEG You For Sex

     While there are only a few reviews for this book ... I personally found them amusing and extremely telling about men because (if I am making sweeping generalizations) judging simply by the reviews I read, apparently men would enjoy a good set of CliffsNotes for anything ... INCLUDING THIS. Seriously guys, read something. Anything. Even this.

     Personal fave. One Amazon reviewer wrote, in part, "Truth is there isn't anything earthshaking in this book but then again I'm kind of a jedi master when it comes to women so I'm doing all the right stuff already! ... if you asked a dozen females what they thought of the advice in the book, half of them would say they'd be happy if their man tried just ten percent of these ideas! The other half would want to talk about their diesel-powered toy collection, rubber suits, robbing a convenience store for drug money, and so on ..."

BIC Round Stic Ball Pen

     Ummmm, not necessarily something to be proud of, but since graduating high school and ending the whole school shopping shenanigans, I've five-fingered-discounted so many pens that buying a box just seems like a foreign concept to me. I mean, come people, let's be honest --- I bank at TD and used Planet Fitness for a good while ... their pens basically ripe their clothes off and scream "take me, I'm yours" ... I can't wrap my head around anyone who would need to buy their pens on Amazon ... or anywhere.

     Personal fave. Reviewer nxtfari writes, "These pens are like the one guy at work who's not all that smart, funny, handsome, or fashionable, but will always get the job done on time and without fail. I don't particularly enjoy using this pen, but at least I can always grab one and have it work the first time. And for the price, I can't bash them either."

Nicolas Cage Pillowcase

     As far as I'm concerned, I see nothing weird or creepy in people purchasing this product. Nicolas Cage is a godsend to Hollywood. I mean have you seen National Treasure? Or City of Angels? Or It Could Happen To You? ... I can't. I just can't.

     Personal fave. Reviewer cornish_breeze writes of the excellent purchase, "I purchased this realistic Nicolas Case pillow case with the intent of inserting my own pillow and storing it on my chair. I can now sit on Nicolas's face when ever the urge arises with out being put on some kind of register, unlike in real life where said register forbids me from entering a 1000 yard radius anywhere near Mr cages vacinity or 'The Plaintiff' as he is referred to on said document."

Uranium Ore

     I will now answer the question you've been asking yourself forever - yes, you can buy uranium ore on Amazon ... But I can't guarantee you won't end up on some FBI/CIA watch list, as well as some no-fly list ... So, personally, I'd stick to calling your friends in the chemistry lab at the local university when you feel like you really need the stuff ... 

     Personal fave. Donald E. Miller writes, "Finally, cheap effective birth control for men! I just make sure to keep my new good luck charm in my pocket with me for a day or two every week. So far, so good! No more letters from Maury Povich requesting my appearance on his show for paternity tests. I also think this works for S.T.D's. Has so far any way! So DEFINITELY BUY THIS PRODUCT!!!!!! Plus I have my own night light, I'll never hear, 'WRONG HOLE!' Again!"

     So there you have a it, just of few of some of the many strange and funny reviews I found on my quest for Amazon craziness. There is a world of strange on that site, though, so go check it out!

And I don't want the world to see me 'cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am. (Iris, Goo Goo Dolls)

Regrets Con Cuervo

     Hey Jose Cuervo, I just saw this advertisement ...

     And I just have one question, are you seriously basing the sale of your product on the whole premise of no regrets? I mean it's a great concept and everything ... But I am pretty sure tequila has been the reason for a plethora of regrets on many people's laundry lists of "SHIT I SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE." I mean, I am no expert or anything but hasn't everyone had a Pee-Wee Herman-ish tequila moment in their life? 

     I mean I'm not saying that people should be blaming it on the (a-a-a-a-al-)alcohol on the daily or anything ... That would be alcoholism ... But I am saying that I have seen tequila do some strange things to some very normal people ... So, Jose, here's to living life with a few regrets. Ain't nothing to be ashamed of.

She can handle any champagne brunch, a bridal shower with Bacardi punch, jello shooters full of Smirnoff --- But tequila makes her clothes fall off. (Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off, Joe Nicols)

Deranged DG

         It may be evil but sometimes you just need to have a laugh at another's expense, and today, I just rolled over laughing at the "deranged" sorority email published on Gawker this past week when it was read dramatically by Michael Shannon of "Boardwalk Empire."



      I do feel a little sorry for this girl, but I mean, come on ... Why on Earth would you send this email in the first place ... THINK BEFORE SENDING PEOPLE. Cyberspace is a scary thing. Everything is saved. Everything is available for pretty much forever. Be smart.

Lord, help the mister who comes between me and my sister, and Lord help the sister who comes between me and my man. (Sisters, Rosemary Clooney and Vera-Ellen)

Ummm ... Hi There.

     Guess you all have to make NYE plans now ... 

     Good thing I planned ahead. TEXASSSSS, here I come. Figured if the world didn't end, I'd celebrate down South.

Body rock. Girl, I can feel your body rock. Take a bow, you're on the hottest ticket now. We gonna party like it's 3012 tonight. I wanna show you all the finer things in life. So just forget about the world, we young tonight. I'm coming for 'ya. I'm coming for 'ya. (Beauty and a Beat, Justin Bieber ft. Nicki Minaj)

Goodbye, Sweet World

     I'd just like to take a moment and thank all of you for taking an interest in my blog these past two years ... and taking the time out to read my sometimes rambling, sometimes inane, sometimes brilliant thoughts on life, love, and the like ... Because come tomorrow, December 21st ... we will apparently all be dead and gone.
     If the Mayans say so ... It must be true.
     Even though, apparently some Mayan priest has recently said it's not true ... But, whatever, I'm gonna go with the consensus here.

     If you do plan on trying to survive the apocalypse, I leave you with this advice.

    If not, so long, farewell, and thank you.

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, good night. I hate to go and leave this pretty sight. So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, adieu. Adieu, adieu to you and you and you. (So Long, Farewell, The von Trapp Children)

They're Going To The Chapel ... Or Getting A Ring ... Or Having A Baby ...

     I recently returned from a destination wedding of a friend ...

     And before that I had five weddings in the month of June.

     Let's not count the number of engagements that happened in between the weddings ... or the list of people having babies ... or moving in with their significant others ... It's gotten to the point of no return. It's gotten to the point where I cannot sign onto Facebook without seeing another hand-over-hand, shiny engagement ring finger picture thing or sonogram that I feel the need to congratulate people on ... It's getting a little crazy.
     And I know I'm at the age where this is going to happen ...
     Let's face it ... mid-twenties ... It's like people begin to pair off and find their own special spot in the wild.

     But can't they keep it to themselves so that the rest of us ... the ones just chillin' ... trying to get our lives together and find jobs and scrape together enough money to pay car payments and buy Ramen don't need to be consistently reminded of the fact that we are doing it alone.

     I mean I can take solace in the fact that I have a whole freakin' savanna to search and meet potentials ... while the others are stuck with their one and only ... But other times it might be nice to have that one and only, so quit reminding us gazelles of it.

If we could talk with the animals, learn their languages, maybe take an animal degree. We'd study elephant and eagle, buffalo and beagle, alligator, guinea pig, and flea. (Talk To The Animals, Bing Crosby)

A Woman Who Knows What She Wants ...

     Now I don't condone domestic violence of any kind ... not against women, not against children, and not against men ... But, seriously, this story did get a little chuckle out of me when I read it ... Not even gonna lie.
     Inez Nunez, a woman in Coral Springs, Florida was apparently arrested on Tuesday, April 3 when police were called to her home for a domestic violence dispute ... and the story goes a little something like this.

 
     Nunez told police that she had been living with her boyfriend since October 2011 and on that fateful morning of April 3 he decided to call her "ugly" and because of that would not have sex with her. After that, Nunez proceeded to slap her boyfriend in the face and push him around.
     According to NBC Miami, she told police that he also choked her and punched her in the chest but her story was inconsistent and changed frequently. Nunez was arrested and booked, then released on $2,500 bond.
     I wonder who paid the bail money ... Was it her boyfriend? Because that would make this all the more entertaining. Because if he paid out $2,500 of his own money, he doesn't owe her anything else, and she can't ask for any other favors, if you know what I'm saying ... And who knows, if she would have stayed in jail, maybe she would have met a nice guy who would have made all her, ahem, dreams come true.

Baby, you and me been getting along for way too long. Life's been a bed of roses and sweet, sweet song. I know I should not complain. This is gonna sound insane, but let's fight. Let's cuss, get mad, throw stuff, maybe call each other names. Slam doors, break glass. I'll leave, come back, and I'll take all the blame. Let's scream, let's shout. Make up, make out. Baby, just for tonight, let's fight. (Let's Fight, Thompson Square)

What's Wrong With The World Today? - Men.

All I have to say today is ... Men Suck. 

     If you hear me ladies, leave a comment with your man horror stories and I will post the funniest/worst/saddest ones and give my two cents about them.

Cheap date, bad taste, another night gone to waste, talking about nothing in so many words. It's not like I'm not trying 'cause I'll give anyone a shot once. And I close my eyes and I kiss that frog, each time finding - the more boys I meet, the more I love my dog. [The More Boys I Meet (The More I Love My Dog), Carrie Underwood)

Nobody Wants To Be Lonely

How lonely and/or sad do you 

need to be to use this?

Let me tell you ...

     Not lonely or sad at all ... I think this is the guy's equivalent to the girl's fake engagement ring or the equivalent to the pretend phone call in public for avoidance purposes. I can think of a slew of situations where this piece of genius can be put to good use ...

1) You're out and about, trying to have a good 'ole time with the guys or whatever ... and a girl comes along that you are just not feeling ... 

BUT being the gentleman that I know you are, you don't want to hurt her feelings soooo what do you do? ... You pull out your handy-dandy cell phone, text "Rebecca," and tell the poor girl you're talking to, that your girlfriend Rebecca would not appreciate you hanging all night with her. This saves you both a lot of time.

2) You are walking along and all of a sudden, in the distance, you see that jerk from high school - that one person who you swore you would never cross paths with again after graduation day ... But there's nowhere to go ... No time to do this and hide ...

So, get the phone out ... send that initial text message ... and then when you bump into that jerk and you need to have that awkward encounter, at least it's cut short by "Tina" who will call you and tell you that you immediately need to come meet her at the mall because she needs help picking out a dress for the wedding you guys are attending next weekend. Oh yeahhhhh. It's that serious. Time to go.

3) And, it can even be used for it's actual purpose ... but not because you're sad and lonely ... because you have annoying and meddling relatives who are always, "When are you going to settle down with a nice [fill in with appropriate meddling adjective here] girl? We'll die before we have grand kids [or nieces/nephews/god-children]."

Now you can just text and call your air hostess girlfriend "Megha" whenever you need to get your parents out of your hair ... When they want to meet her, she's in flight, DUH.

     And there you go ... Just some of the reasons why this service was a stroke of genius on someones part ... 

     And, yes, I am sure there are some guys out there who are just lonely and are like, "I want a fake girlfriend to send me messages all day long and I'll call her and message her and ... blah blah blah" but then those end up being the guys who come out and make all girls want to wear fake engagement rings to every restaurant and party they attend ... Or the ones who end up being the inspiration for episodes of "Criminal Minds" or "Strange Addiction."

     But besides those guys ... I give this idea a thumbs up because it can be used to get you out of many awkward encounters and strained conversations ... so use it to your advantage.

Ohhh, I wish you could meet my girlfriend, my girlfriend who lives in Canada. She couldn't be sweeter. I wish you could meet her - my girlfriend who lives in Canada. Her name is Alberta. She lives in Vancouver. She cooks like my mother, and sucks like a Hoover. I email her every single day just to make sure that every thing's okay. It's a pity she lives so far away - in Canada! (My Girlfriend Who Lives In Canada, Avenue Q Soundtrack)

What Are Little Girls Made Of? ... Sugar And Spice And A Little Racism?

     This little girl is going to have trouble acclimating into society ... where there are not only little black girls and little black boys, but also Asian ones, and Hispanic ones, and even Native American ones (OH MY!)

I Dont Want To Turn Black!

     I wonder if she'd be okay just riding a scooter instead of a bike because I hear you can do that if you magically turn black at four ... Or if she'd be okay turning like a green M&M instead of like a brown one? ...
     SERIOUSLY ... I love the things this Dad is telling his three year old kid! Perfect breeding ground for the future racists of America.

And I told about equality, and it's true, either you're wrong or you're right. But if you're thinkin' about my baby, it don't matter if you're black or white. (Black or White, Michael Jackson)

Everyone Loves A Dancing (Chubby) Kid

     If you are ever having a bad day, just come on over and watch this video. It will either scar you ... or keep you you entirely entertained for 3 minutes and 35 seconds.

     Part of me wants to feel bad for this kid ... When he grows up and realizes what his parents/older relatives have done to him, he is going to have major issues with them (and probably with himself) ... But the other part of me just wants to continuously press play over and over again and watch it for hours. 

     On the plus side, the kid has moves and so much facial expression. He is frickin' hilarious. He is officially my day-bringer-upper ... at least for now. 

Bring the lights up, bust the doors down, dust yourself off, shake it up, shake it up. DJ, set it off. Take it up a notch. All together now, shake it up, shake it up ... Make a scene, make a scene nobody can ignore. Don't knock it 'til you rock it. We can't take it no more.  (Shake It Up, Selena Gomez)

A-Storm's A-Coming!

     And you should ... Get the hell off the beach.

     This is how New Jersey lets you know we mean business when it comes to rain. 

     While those people are chillin' at the shore, other people are acting like they have never seen rain before ... People were willing to wait in an hour-long line at a gas station for the off-chance that gas becomes unavailable because of rain??? ... People stocked up on 24-packs of water like the Zombie Apocalypse is coming this weekend ... And don't even get me started on what Walmart looked like tonight. Officers were policing the parking lot like it was Black Friday.

    Calm yourselves, people. Yes, there is something to be said for being prepared and safe (so, yes, get the hell off the beach). There's another thing to be said for being crazy.

The weather started getting rough. The tiny ship was tossed. If not for the courage of the fearless crew, the Minnow would be lost, the Minnow would be lost. (Gilligan's Island Theme)

What's Wrong With The World Today? - Mother Nature's On Her .

     My bed was ashakin' on Tuesday afternoon ...

          from an Earthquake ...

               in New Jersey? WTF?!

Photo c/o http://earthquake.usgs.gov/

     And now this coming weekend, New Jersey is about to be hit by Hurricane Irene ... one of the biggest Hurricane's it has seen in decades?!

     What is going on with Mother Nature? Why is she hatin' on us? ...

     I actually have a theory. 

     YES! "Jersey [Freakin'] Shore."

     She wants them off the television, and off our shores, as much as the rest of New Jersey does. Whether she needs to shake them off the shores and have them fall into an Earthquake crack ... Or she needs to sweep them away in a gust of Hurricane wind ... She'll have her way ... Considering they probably won't heed any potential hurricane evacuation warnings because the only hurricanes they know are the ones they order at Karma on Friday nights.

     Although I whole-heartedly agree with Mother Nature's intentions, I just wish she'd leave the rest of us out of it. 

If all the raindrops were lemon drops and gum drops, oh, what a rain that would be. Standing outside with my mouth open wide, ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah. (If All The Raindrops, Barney)

Summer's Eve Makes Me Feel Fine ... In This Heat Every Time

     So ladies, if you are my age ... let's say mid-to-late twenties ... when we were younger, feminine hygiene product commercials were a lot like pharmaceutical commercials. They meant anything from women jogging happily through parks or cooking dinner for their husbands or gardening with their new puppy ... Like this woman who just douched her way to happiness and is strolling along a beach thinking about unicorns and rainbows ...

     But apparently today, feminine hygiene marketing campaigns come in the form of a talking hand appropriately named Vagina (you can call her V for short) in a campaign by Summer's Eve called "All Hail to the V."

     Summer's Eve has released three separate commercials, using different colored hand models using stereotypical voice-overs and, of course, consumers are ripping into the company and calling the campaign racist. I'm just calling it straight up hilarious ... and informative. I cannot watch a single one of these commercials enough times without rolling. And here's your chance.

Commercial Number One:

Summer's Eve Take On White Girl Vagina Problems

     Yes boys, it's true. Every time us ladies pick up a copy of Cosmo we need to read another article on the newest craze of Vagina madness ... whether it's vajazzling or hair styling down there. It's pure insanity. And, no, it's not just a white girl problem ... but Summer's Eve made the commercial and it was just too funny not to laugh, especially when products like this exist to help you style yourself into a peace sign down under.

Commercial Number Two:

Summer's Eve Take On Black Girl Vagina Problems

      Oh, yeah. Summer's Eve went there and made a black hair joke. We all know that is taboo territory, especially when it's attached to a dry, itchy V on the way to the clubbbbb. HOLLAAAAAA. Oh, and since when is wonder spelled with a "U" ... Oh, maybe when it refers to the WUNDERRRRR DOWN UNDER, of course. 

Commercial Number Three:

Summer's Eve Take On Hispanic Girl Vagina Problems

     Ay-yii-yii, boo, I find this commercial to be the funniest. Apparently miracle-working Hispanic vaginas burst into Spanish spontaneously ... and make slight sexual innuendoes in the process. Hispanic vaginas also have an innate sense of fashion because they know when they need to trash their own underwear. 

     The Summer's Eve "Hail to the V" campaign didn't just end with these three commercials. There was also this lovely number on YouTube that pushed consumers to their website, which I personally found very informative. 

     Yes, the ID the V Quiz ... Because Vagina told me that "nearly 70 percent of all women can't accurately identify  [her] and [her] lovely lady parts." So, I took her up on the challenge and took the quiz, and I guess I fell into that 70 percent because I only got 3 out of the 5 part, right. Granted I got the 3 most important parts, if you ask me, but still ... I didn't accurately identify all of them. 

     So go ahead and take the quiz, and see how you do! Because like V said, it's like jumping in a car without knowing where the accelerator or the ignition is (I'm pretty sure I accurately identified those).

     Also, check out the Vagina Owner's Manual and the Vaglossary (just because it's kind of funny).

Love your what-not, your money slot, your secret little honey pot. Love your Mary Lou, your va-joo-joo, your little man in a canoe, your naughty bits, your peachy lips, that little thing between your hips. Love, love, love your vagina. That important place inside 'ya. Love, love, love your vagina. Love that special place inside. (Love Your Vagina Song, Mooncup Ltd)

     This was a (very catchy) jingle written for Mooncup, a British menstrual cup ... Click this link, to see the many other interesting names that fans submitted - which they call their vaginas (or submit your own). My personal faves that were submitted are Pleasure Island, Snatchy Patch, Spadoosh, The Grumpy Elf, The Unicorn Fairy's Palace, and Faffaroon.

     Oh, and yes, you can download the song at the site also. I know. I plan on it.

Hooked On The Ice Cold Cool Hoff

     "Baywatch" hunk. "Knight Rider" hottie. "Spongebob" human. (And of course, who can forget German pop star.) David Hasselhoff is a lot of things ... and soon he will be coming to a freezer near you, if he hasn't already. And I cannot wait to lick that popsicle.
     Del Monte Iced Refreshment released a Hoff-inspired icicle called the Hoffsicle to celebrate National Ice Cream Week after the Hoff was named 2011's smoothest TV star.
     And in case anyone is wondering, TODAY is National Ice Cream Day and, for you ice cream lovers, there are some great deals. Carvel is offering one free kid's cup or cone with any adult purchase ... and Baskin Robbins is offering one cone for $0.99 when you buy any other cone! ... I just wish I could be served those cups and cones by the Hoff himself!

     I am not ashamed to admit that I have some strange, unhealthy celebrity crush on the Hoff and that no food has potentially given me this much excitement since people discovered that Menthos and Diet Coke can form rockets.

     I also cannot wait to go out to my local grocery store and buy these "ice lollies." I have not seen them yet, but if you happen to see them at your local store, leave a comment and let me know where because will be eternally grateful ... and I might even bake you some cupcakes.

I'm hooked on a feeling and I'm high on believing that you're in love with me. Lips as sweet as candy, your taste is on my mind. Girl, you got me thirsty for another cup of wine. Got a bug from you girl but I don't need no cure. I'll just stay affected if I can't be sure. All the good love, when we're all alone. Keep it up girl, yeah, you turn me on. I'm hooked on a feeling! (Hooked on a Feeling, David Hasselhoff) 

Honesty's The Best Policy

     I spent the day in NYC today and I seriously cannot get enough of that city. I cannot wait until I get my first job there (well, it would be my second technically, I guess ... I've already worked there once as an intern) ... Or, even better, when I marry rich and live it up (ehhhh, I'd still have to work, I'd get bored not doing anything).
     Every time you go, you see something different ... yet there are always some things you can count on ... Metrocards that won't swipe and banging into turnstiles when you keep walking, dudes in red vests selling tours who block sidewalks when you absolutely have to get somewhere, and beggars asking for your hard-earned money on the side of the street or on the subway ... And you know what, most people would think the last one is the most annoying of the three, and most times it is ... unless they are completely honest. I have always commended honesty, and today, for the first time, I had the opportunity of seeing the Times Square "Weed Man," and while he doesn't actually use his earnings for weed, at least his sign seems honest enough.

     Along with these other fellows I found just looking around online ... If I saw them on the street, I'd give them dollar or two (and a thumbs up) just for being honest.

You with the sad eyes, don't be discouraged; Oh, I realize, it's hard to take courage in a world full of people. You can lose sight of it all and the darkness inside of you can make you feel so small. But I see your true colors shining through. I see your true colors and that's why I love you, so don't be afraid to let them show. Your true colors - true colors - are beautiful like a rainbow. (True Colors, Cyndi Lauper)