Happily Ever After ... With A Cheap Ring

     I don't know about anyone else, but maybe I'm simply at an age where all my friends seem to be getting engaged or married, week after week. This year alone, I will have attended six weddings. SIX! So, like any person, going to all these weddings, and seeing all the beautiful cakes and invitations, has got me thinking about wedding dresses and bouquets and rings.
     And, let's be honest (especially all you ladies reading this), how many times have you looked at one wedding Pinterest board and found yourself in a downward spiral that lasted hours? Personally, I know that I get sucked in and the next thing I know, it's dawn, and I've been blown away by beauty ... and by the price of EVERYTHING. But, there's hope!
     A new study may offer some relief to those who want lasting marriages, and some money left in the bank after planning a wedding.
     According to the study, there are a whole slew of factors that can affect the likelihood your marriage will end in divorce, including income, religious attendance, how long you've dated, the price of the engagement ring, and the price and size of your wedding. While the findings on income, faith, and dating as contributing factors to the longevity of a marriage seem to be almost commonsense, the findings on ring and wedding spending were surprising.

Religious Attendance

C/O Randal Olson

Annual Household Income

C/O Randal Olson

Time Spent Dating Before Proposal

C/O Randal Olson

     When it came to the question of spending ... If you are planning on a happily ever after, I would suggest you shop around for a cheaper ring, and plan for a LARGE AND IN CHARGE, but cheaper wedding.
     The study found that spending over $2,000 on an engagement ring is significantly associated with a higher likelihood of divorce. Additionally, researchers found that couples that had weddings with 200 or more guests were 92% less likely to divorce than the relative average ... but 46% more likely to divorce if they had a wedding which cost more than $20,000. So, I guess you need to go big or go home ... but not spend a whole bundle?

     ... Based on the weddings I've been to lately, that is no easy task ... However, I am sure there is some way to make it happen ... I mean hasn't every Disney movie and love song taught us that love can conquer all? Even a super expensive platinum, three-stone diamond, antique ring ... and a super-elaborate, over-the-top, intimate wedding on a yacht? Right? Right. 

     Someone tell me I'm right (or else all my dreams will be crushed).

You are the one. I think I'm in love. Life has begun. I can see the two of us together. I know I'm gonna be with you forever. Love couldn't be any better. (When You Kiss Me, Shania Twain)

Little Lessons We Owe To Walt Disney & His Giant EMPIRE

     As a female who grew up on Disney movies I can, without a doubt, tell you that there are little life lessons to be learned from each and every one of those storybook endings that occasionally filled my head with rainbows and butterflies and ice cream sundaes and all things good and fluffy ... And you may be thinking that these life lessons are all about love and romance and dancing under the stars and living happily ever after ... and that they only apply to girls under the age of 10 who are playing dress up in their bedrooms ... But you are incorrect, my friend! These lessons that I am about to drop like bombs can apply to everyone and anyone, so sit back and enjoy what I've learned from Walt Disney and his beloved characters (or at least from the ones in the original Disney Princess Collection movies ... because that's how I do).

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)

      Lesson learned: You can be one of the prettiest, hottest, most powerful people in all the land ... But if you have an ugly heart and evil intentions, God will smite you and you will fall to your death and creepy vultures will come after your rotting dead body (seriously, Disney, this was freaking creepy!).
     Seriously though, in life, the way in which we treat each other, despite our so-called differences, is really all that matters. Being a kindhearted person, speaking well of each other, being generous and giving - those are the things that really matter. Not money and power and outward appearance. If those are the things you are chasing in life, take a moment to reevaluate why they seem so important to you (and then re-watch the ending scene of Snow White).

Cinderella (1950)

     Anyone who knows me knows that Cinderella is my all-time favorite Disney movie and I can't even bring myself to make jokes about the lessons you learn when you watch this movie and actually take in all the different aspects and begin to analyze all the different layers that make up the story-line ... That's why so many different movies and books and shows mimic Cinderella, in general ... so, getting off my soapbox, here are just a few of the lessons you learn from this amazinggggg movie.

     First and foremost, Cinderella teaches us to never, ever give up on dreams and to never give up believing. If Cinderella gave up believing, her Fairy Godmother straight up told her she would not have been able to come ... and then she wouldn't have gone to the ball or met the Prince and then the whole story would have been a cluster-fuck. So really, just don't stop believing. 

     So, on top of that pretty obvious lesson, we also see that you can't choose your family ... but despite that there will always be those people (or small animals) that will be around for you when you need help or a smile ... or a dress to be sown. Cinderella also shows us that keeping a good attitude is an excellent way to get through the tough times - even when she was scrubbing floors and doing laundry, she always had a song to sing and a helping hand to lend to her mouse friends.

     (In addition to all those lessons ... I learned that some women are more than willing to force their feet into uncomfortably small shoes for a rich man. But, on the other hand, the right pair of shoes can absolutely change your life for the better. Also, the outcome of your night, after midnight, totally depends on the circumstances you are in at the time).

Sleeping Beauty (1959)

     Listen here, the one lesson I learned from Sleeping Beauty is that if you try and protect someone from something too much ... you may just push that person right to it ... So then he/she will end up pricking a finger on a spindle, spellbound, and pretty much stuck like that until they're kissed by a random stranger who they end up marrying because they've been told it's true love's kiss.
     I'm not saying that as a society we should let people run wild with no rules or regulations ... I'm just saying that maybe loosening the reins on certain things would actually lead people away from said things, you know, making them less attractive or whatnot.

The Little Mermaid (1989)

     I must have seen this movie close to a hundred times growing up because it was my sister's favorite ... and absolutely not mine! I always thought King Triton was a bit of a bully, especially when he broke all of Ariel's prized possessions in that one scene when he finds out about Eric. Overprotective, much?! ... But it doesn't matter because the real lesson learned from The Little Mermaid actually has nothing to do with overbearing fathers but more with expressing your feelings. 

     Freakin' Prince Eric! I mean what was wrong with him in the movie? He clearly had a thing for Ariel. I know the girl gave up her voice for legs and wasn't able to verbalize her feelings to him, but she was sending all the right signals, and dude did nothing. Sebastian and his whole underwater team of musicians even sang a song while they were romantically out on the water ... and this guy still failed to kiss the girl (and don't blame it on Flotsam and Jetsam) --- Eric needed to grow a pair! He had plenty of chances.

     OK, so it's Disney ... We know they'll probably end up together in the end ... But in real life, the lesson is ... DO SOMETHING if you're even slightly interested in someone. Don't let the person who may or may not be the love of your life (or the love of your next few months) end up being the one who gets away because you think there may be something better out there (ummm, hello Prince Eric, Vanessa was Ursula in disguise) or because you're scared of getting hurt. This is life, people. It's not a Disney movie. Kiss the girl (or guy)! Put yourselves out there.

Beauty and the Beast (1991)

     If Belle could tell the world anything it would be this: read more and don't settle in life and love.

     While Cinderella has always been my favorite Disney movie, I'd have to say that as I've gotten older Belle may possibly be climbing the ranks as my favorite princess, overall. I mean she always had her head in a book, which I can absolutely appreciate. Everyone should read more ... more news, more novels, more comic strips. It doesn't even matter. They just should ... it makes for more clever conversation.

     And when it comes to settling, no one offers a better lesson than Belle. That girl had the town hottie throwing himself at her, proposing left and right, and she went for the large, hairy underdog ... who ended up being the most gallant, sweetest Prince a girl could ask for ... She didn't settle and ended up finding true love. She also gave us a little life lesson about steering clear of falling for people simply by their outward appearances. Gaston, while being super fly according to the ladies in the neighborhood (who, now that I watch the movie as an adult, may have been French hookers), wasn't exactly the brightest crayon in the box and Belle knew that she wanted more out of life than what he could offer - more than the cabin and kids and dogs and whatnot.

     Belle teaches us that material things don't really matter in the end, and that looks aren't everything - that they fade over time. I mean, come on people, cosmetic surgery is expensive. You need to find someone who is a complete package - someone who is attractive to you (whatever that may mean) and who also stimulates your brain - someone you can talk to ... where the conversation doesn't get boring. It'll just make for a happier existence.

Aladdin (1992)

     I can't be positive if it was Aladdin or this one blond kid in my elementary school who was my first crush ever ... But either way, Aladdin and I go way, way back and he definitely taught me a thing or two about life. Jasmine did too, and the rest of the gang ... I mean, come on, this is one of my faves. I think I wanted to be Jasmine for the first half of my life. I think my sister still wants to be her.

     I'd say there are two very important lessons we can take from Aladdin. First and foremost, as the Beatles said, money can't buy you love (neither can Genie's magic). It might get you 75 golden camels, 53 peacocks, and a whole zoo of exotic-type mammals ... But, in the end, what matters is if you are kind and trusting and can show your significant other a whole new world (::wink wink:: ... see what I did there). I'm not saying that money is unimportant in this life; obviously, we need it to get by and live our lives ... But you don't need loads and loads of it to be happy.

     The second lesson Aladdin teaches us is that if you lie ... it will come back and sting you in the ass! Remember Genie as he buzzes around Aladdin's head and the fairly simple, "TELL HER THE TRUTHHHHH!" Yeah, Jasmine wasn't very appreciative of Prince Ali's lies ... She forgave him in the end ... but this is Disney, sometimes real life doesn't end up like that. Jasmine showed us that you shouldn't pretend to be someone you're not ... because you may just end up being accepted for who you actually are ... and that's the greatest love of all.

Pocahontas (1995)

     So, the lesson learned from this wonderful little flick is pretty simple right? ... Don't be held down by the white man!

     No, no, no. Just kidding! But the lessons were simple in this movie ... Pocahontas pretty much puts the lessons into song lyrics for us, so why don't I just cut right to the point.

     Lesson 1: You can't step in the same river twice; the water's always changing, always flowing ... So, be like Pocahontas and make sure you give yourself a chance to see what's around the river bend, and don't settle for a Kocoum when a John Smith may just ask you to come to England with him ... But, also, be strong enough to say no when you have bigger plans for yourself.

     Lesson 2: Walk the footsteps of a stranger to learn things you never knew you never knew. As a culture, so many of us have become so self-involved that we fail to open our eyes to all the richness that surrounds us. We, meaning Americans, are blessed to be surrounded by different ethnicities, and cultures, and religions, and ways of life, yet we live in our own little bubbles. We stick by our so-called "people" for whatever reason (and I'm not saying that's a bad thing) but, in addition to that, I also want to be a part of an America where people talk and intermarry and where bridges are built and relationships are cultivated ... That's how understanding starts and how learning happens and how acceptance grows. Pocahontas and John Smith figured it out. We can, too. (Maybe a couple hundred copies of the movie can be dropped over the Middle East, too).

     Lesson 3: Maybe Pocahontas was a little young and naive but ... she did show us that maybe, occasionally in life there is love that is worth risking everything for ...

     

Mulan (1998)

     I should just go ahead and post the "Reflection" video here and be done with analyzing the intricacies of Mulan ... But why would I do that? I mean, it does give us one of the main lessons from the movie, which is to learn to love yourself for who you are, which is a lesson that I happen to love so GO MULAN! Everyone, let your reflections show who you are inside!
     Yes, great lesson ... But I actually want to focus on an additional one that Mulan teaches throughout the movie, which is to throw expectation out the window and do what feels right for you. We see the moment Mulan cuts off her hair and puts on that armor, she is making a decision to toss society's expectations for her as a young, Asian woman aside. She doesn't do this for fame or glory or because she thinks she'll meet the man of her dreams ... She does it because she wants to help her family and her father and thinks it's the right thing to do. She's doing it because the decision feels right for her, and that's what makes it so great.

     So there you have you it ... Life lessons learned from Disney movies ... Or at least the ones starring the original Disney Princesses.
     (Oh, and side note, Tinker Bell was actually also considered one of the original Princesses and then was kicked out the club ... So, here's an additional lesson for everyone --- you don't always get the one you want and jealousy is not cute! Sorry Tink but it's true).

     I know that Tiana from The Princess and the Frog, Rupunzel from Tangled, and Merida from Brave have been added as Princesses in the past few years but, honestly, I think the only one I've seen in its entirety has been Tangled so giving lessons from those would just be disrespectful to Disney ... Maybe now I have a reason to actually see Brave.

The past can't be rewritten, you get the life you're given. Oh, some pages turned, some bridges burned, but there were lessons learned. (Lessons Learned, Carrie Underwood)

20-Somethings, Just Listen Up and Live!

     Dear Millennials, Gen-Y-ers, 20-Somethings,

     Do me a favor and listen up ... Because I have a little something to say.

Stop reading advice columns from 20-somethings!

     ... And, yes, this is coming straight from a 20-something about to try and advise you.
     I know some of you are reading this, scratching your heads, and asking why ... and some of you are just thinking this is the rant of a cynical, jaded 20-something who feels the need to tell you what to do with your life just like every other 20-something out there (full disclosure: there may be a little truth to that) ... But the real reason I am writing this is because of one simple reason - those advice columns you love so much - 10 Trips You NEED To Take In Your Twenties, 36 Lessons I Wish I Knew At 25, 47.5 Reasons Your 20-Something Boyfriend Is Not Right For You ... All those advice columns, they're bull.

  
     ... And here's why.
     For one thing, I know that I have probably read hundreds of those "Dear 20-Something" columns and each time I click, I get conflicting advice. One person tells me to take the bull by the horns, another tells me to just sit and wait for life to start because the best things happen to those who wait. WHAT TO DO? WHAT TO DO? --- My opinion - YOU DO YOU! Don't let some random person writing a column in Kalamazoo, Michigan influence your decisions.
     If you think right now - in your 20's, in this moment - is a good time for you to pack your bags and fly to Brazil and explore the rain-forest, do it! If you think living at home with your parents and applying to 900 graduate programs is right for you, then do that. It's your life, make it about you.
     Second, I don't know when every 20-something in America (and around the globe) decided to go into the fields of relationship and sex therapy ... but it seems to have been in the last few years ... Because so so so many of the advice columns I read tell me what I am doing wrong in my love life (or lack thereof), what I can do better (or worse ... you know, if I want to lose a guy without actually initiating a breakup), what I am doing right, what men like, what women like, what your parents will like in a significant other ...
     SERIOUSLY? SERIOUSLY! 
     You're 20-something years old. You are at an age where you are able to make mistakes in life and love and bounce back from them! Don't let others tell you how or who to date. Don't let random people typing advice columns into your bedroom. Make your own love stories, hook-up stories, break-up stories! --- If anything, they'll be good conversation pieces later in life ... Or the makings of a great Hollywood movie. Who knows? If you want to try online dating, try it. If you want to bring a random person home every Saturday night until you're 35, do it (be safe, people). Just don't let others tell you that the choices you are making are somehow wrong. Those choices are only wrong when you feel like you need to begin to make new decisions about relationships, and love, and sex.
     Lastly, so many of these columns seem to say something along the lines of, "OH, now I'm 50-years-old and if I only did this or if I only knew this when I was 25 and a half, my life would be so much different." I'm not going to lie, some of the advice in those columns have good takeaways ... But life is life, people. No one knows where your life will go, or the twists and turns it will take. You may get on the subway tomorrow, slip and fall on your face because you decided to wear 6-inch heels, and meet the person of your dreams when he/she helps you up off your face. (Who knew Payless would have a place in your love story?) ... Or you may wake up tomorrow and get a call from your doctor saying you have 3 months to live.
     The point is ... live for today. There are only two days a week when you can't make something happen - yesterday and tomorrow - so live with no regrets ... and I'm not saying it's an easy to do. It's hard! So, so hard. You may lose friends, you may piss off relatives, you may spend some money you don't have right now ... But at least try, so that way you're not sitting around at 50 telling 20-year-olds that if you only did this or that your life would be so different ... Because it's not something they need to hear.

     Love,
     Nazzle Dazzle

I've loved, I've laughed, and cried. I've had my fill, my share of losing, and now as tears subside, I find it all so amusing, to think I did all that and may I say, not in a shy way, oh no, oh no, not me - I did it my way. (My Way, Frank Sinatra)

Are You In A Textlationship?

     ... And, no, I'm not referring to the sexy kind of texting. I mean full-blown relationships ... that just happen to exist via text message. Is it possible for two people to become so close via text message that it almost feels as though that they are in a relationship?

     I am beginning to think that this phenomenon is becoming more and more common in today's social media obsessed, technological world. It's scary to think that people are unaware that they are falling into the trap of the "textlationship" ... So here are some signs that YOU may be in a textlationship and not even know it!

5 Signs You May Be In A Textlationship

1) You met a nice gal or guy, exchanged numbers, then proceeded to flirt, get to know each other, even maybe express love for each other ... all via text ... with continuous promises of meeting up ... straight through your breakup, which inevitably happened via text.

2) You find yourself irritated when your "significant other" does not text you back after several hours ... However, you have not seen said person in weeks and/or months.

3) You know all the essential first-date facts, as well as tons of other info, about your texting partner ... without ever actually having gone on a date.

4) You love telling all your friends about your partner ... but in order to do so, you need to bust out your cell phone to recap a conversation or a funny anecdote involving said person.

5) You've escalated your textlationship to a sextlationship in hopes that an actual relationship would ensue but, alas, the texts just keep coming ... and the dates don't.

      And there you have it ... If any of these five signs apply to you, do yourself a favor, if you genuinely care about the person you are texting, talk to them. NOT TEXT. TALK - face to face - about how you feel. And if they don't understand or reciprocate the feelings and the texts just keep coming, go ahead and click delete!

Gonna find me somebody not afraid to let go. Want a no doubt, be there kind of man. You came real close. But every time you built me up. You only let me down. And everybody knows, almost doesn't count. (Almost Doesn't Count, Brandy)

The Boy Scouts Are About To Become More COLORFUL!

     So Boy Scouts of America voted today to lift the ban on allowing gay Boy Scout members to partake in their manly man activities.
     It's about time BSA. What was the hold up?
     I mean I totally get that it is unthinkable that a gay boy could fulfill the requirements for those MANLY merit badges like railroading and wood carving ... As well as the requirements for the badges in essential life skills of pulp and paper making and Indian Lore.
     I mean, come people, what harm would really come to your precious organization by letting gay boys hang out and learn to swim and hike and build fires with straight kids their age? Children should be incorporated into diverse communities and organizations to grow to their greatest potential and if the BSA has the best interest of their boys in mind, they would have lifted this ban years ago.
     BSA has taken one step in the right direction with the lift on the ban, and now they need to go ahead and  lift the ban on gay leaders - which they have not done. They need to show the children in their organization that acceptance is a key component to how their organization is run and that the actions and words of a man are more definitive of who he is than who he loves.
     It's 2013. Come on, people. Merit badge for acceptance? The BSA should establish one.

You're the saddest bunch I ever met but you can bet before we're through, mister, I'll make a man out of you. (I'll Make A Man Out Of You, Mulan Soundtrack)

What's Wrong With The World Today? - Racy Racism ... Or Is It?

     GQ magazine recently released its list of the "100 Hottest Women of the 21st Century" ... despite there still being "987 more years in this particular millennium," according to the article.
     While the list contained some common hot names such as Beyonce, Shakira, Eva Mendes, Halle Berry, and Megan Fox ... There were some surprises on it such as Seth Meyer's celebrity survey choice of Hillary Clinton, about whom he said, "I think somebody who is getting sexier every year is Hillary Clinton. Every year she seems better at whatever she's doing. By the end of the millennium, she's gonna have it locked down."

     However, that was not the real surprise ... Amongst its list, GQ found it appropriate to include the following categories:

     - Hot Chinese Chick: Zhang Ziyi

     - Hot Italian Chick: Monica Belluci

     - Hot Indian Chick: Freida Pinto

     - Hot Pregnant Sri Lankan Chick: M.I.A

     I am at a loss to understand why these women were singled for their nationalities and/or ethnicities on this list of so-called hot women, in the first place. Why weren't Beyonce and Halle Berry listed as "Hot Black Chicks" ... and why wasn't Shakira the "Hot Colombian Chick" or Eva Mendez labeled as the "Hot Latina Chick?" ... 

     OHHHHH, because those some of those might have been considered offensive. I get it. The media gets to sexualize certain women ... But if they think they'll be in hot water for other choices they make, they steer clear of those stupid choices.

     For the record, the hyper-sexualization of any race, nationality, or ethnicity is wrong. If GQ wanted to list the 100 hottest women of this (incomplete) millennium, it should have just listed 100 women straight through - not pulled some out based on their "look."

      

And we read in the gospel of Vogue that we're all supposed to dress and move and be visions of perfection, such a misconception, 'cause the real connection is deeper than the eye can see. What's inside of you? What's inside of me? The hands that made the moon and stars, the mountains and the seas, made you wonderful, beautiful, marvelously. Let the whole world see your true beauty. (True Beauty, Mandisa)

PS. Can you say airbrush?! I mean I know it's winter and everything but ...Beyonce is not that white ... ever. They whitewashed her like woah.