An Open Birthday Wish To Google

Dear Google,

     You turn the ripe old age of 15 today ... and despite being stuck dead in the middle of your teenage years and having been the most popular kid in the class for the past few years, you have not turned around and started to curse out your users or to try new styles ... You consistently do what you do best - search out the answers to our hard pressed questions that we need to know immediately.

     I am not sure about everyone else on this little planet called Earth who have made use of your intelligence but I  will be celebrating this auspicious day - your quincenera, if you will - by utilizing your skills for the betterment of myself. I will Google my own name, stalk cute guys I work with (or who work at Starbucks ... or who I meet on the subway ... or who I just happen to get a business card from in random situations on any given day), and figure out if Lindsay Lohan has attended her scheduled court dates for the current month. Because we all know this information is critical and that you know best!

     Hell, if I'm ever unsure if a dude is right for me, I'm game with getting your advice on that too! And other people should be too! "Will this relationship work out?" ... "Is my hair too red?" ... "How do chickens reproduce?" ... "Why does my butt hurt?" ... All acceptable questions for you, my young friend. No question is too strange or inappropriate. And I love that about you.

     Thank you for your years of answers, Google.

Love,
Nazzle Dazzle

I'm in love with Google Plus. I'm judgmental on Google Plus. Here's another douchebag and another loser that didn't make my Google Plus! (The Google+ Song, Kayla Sarian)

There's No Crying In Baseball ...

     ... Unless you're Mariano Rivera, then you can shed as many man tears as you want! Because you've earned it. 19 seasons with the Yankees. Five World Series titles. And countless mentions of you as my baby ...
     So, yes, you can go ahead and fall into the arms of Andy Pettitte and Derek Jeter and cry as much as you want because those are the tears of a champion. If I had anything to do with it, I would bottle up those tears and place them in a museum.
     While fans everywhere are heartbroken at the thought of you leaving the Yankees, you will undoubtedly be remembered as one of the greatest closers of all time.

'Til the Sandman he comes. Sleep with one eye open, gripping your pillow tight. Exit light, enter night, take my hand, we're off to Never-never-land. (Enter Sandman, Metallica)

Want Some Cheese With That Whine ... As You Ruin 140 Years Of Rutgers Tradition?!

     Rutgers University has officially updated (read as ruined) their 140 year old alma mater by changing the lyrics to be gender neutral ... and I say this as a woman ... a woman who loves the tradition that Rutgers once prided itself in ... and is slowly breaking down each and every one bit by bit.

     If you are reading this, you may very well know that the original lyrics to the first verse of the alma mater went (sing along with me now, students of Rutgers) ---

      My father sent me to Old Rutgers and resolv'd that I should be a man; and so I settled down, in that noisy college town, on the banks of the Old Raritan.

     The lyrics (ridiculously) now go a little something like this ...

     From far and near we came to Rutgers and resolved to learn all that we can; and so we settled down, in that noisy college town, on the banks of the Old Raritan.

     The new lyrics remove the reference to fathers and becoming men ... because students have a mom too or even two daddies or two mommies or no mommies or no daddies or whatever and because Rutgers is now co-ed and people have felt the need to whine and complain over this fact for years ... Because you know changing the lyrics for a select bunch of people is better than holding on to a tradition that a much larger group of others love and appreciate.
     I don't know if these new lyrics will gain any popularity and stick ... But I do know that I will continue to sing the lyrics that I have grown to know and love (and, let's be honest, memorize) over the past almost ten years I have been around Rutgers, and I hope others will too.

My father sent me to Old Rutgers and resolv'd that I should be a man; and so I settled down in that noisy college town, on the banks of the Old Raritan. On the banks of the Old Raritan (my friends), where Rutgers evermore shall stand, for has she not stood since the time of the flood, on the banks of the Old Raritan. (On The Banks Of The Old Raritan, Rutgers Alma Mater)

The Choice Is Yours ...

AND YOURS ALONE!

     If you are child of the 90's, you undoubtedly have an allegiance to one of the following uniformed teams  - the Red Jaguars, the Blue Barracudas, the Green Monkeys, the Orange Iguanas, the Purple Parrots, or the Silver Snakes ... and it is without question that you have sat around wondering why contestants on Legends of the Hidden Temple simply could not get that silver monkey together when it was three damn pieces ... 

     And, yesterday, marked the 20th anniversary of the premiere of that legendary show!

     How's that for a Look how old you've gotten!

     So, with that, here are 5 reasons why Legends was so damn legendary!

Legendary Reasons

1) Kirk's Jean Shirt --- I am almost positive the man still wears it until this day ... or sleeps in it.

2) Temple Guards --- Any child who viewed an episode of Legends certainly had a nightmare or two at some point in their life about a temple guard jumping out of their closet and wrapping their crazy arms around them and possibly stopping them from winning a brand new, shiny dirt bike!

3) Olmec's Bad Ass Voice --- This one needs no explaining. When that giant talking rock began speaking, people shut their mouths ... and listened to the damn legends ... because Olmec commanded the damn room.

(This guy - Dee Bradley Baker - is the voice of Olmec, by the way).

Photo c/o http://www.imdb.com

4) The Silver Monkey --- No one really ever understood why none of the kids could get that silver monkey together when it was only three pieces ... but apparently it was bigger and heavier than anyone ever thought. Who knew?

Photo c/o www.tshirtgroove.com

5) Pendants Of Life --- We all knew that earning those pendants was the only way to progress through that game, and I'm sure there was some behind the scenes shenanigans between some of those kids where they tried to trade their pendants away for a few dollars ... or to get to second base with someone on the Orange Iguanas ... because, let's be honest, that team always had the hottest team members.

No matter how I try I just can't make her cry 'cause she'll never break, never break, never break, never break this heart of stone oh no, no, no this heart of stone. (Heart Of Stone, The Rolling Stones)